The Dan Pearce Blog

Hell Hath No Fury Like the Big Brother of a Woman Wronged

So... There's this total dill hole who did something totally dill-holey. And I think we should all teach him that there are actually consequences to being a d-bag.

Well, Universe… That Was Certainly Fucked-Up

Girls don't flirt with me in real life. Not like this one was. It was super cute and actually going somewhere, but before it actually could... The universe stepped in and made sure it could never be.

And *That* Was the Horrible Moment When I Just Knew…

I hired a 19-year-old young woman to come model nude so that I could body paint her. Just to be safe I asked for her ID, and quickly found myself in a mad world of denial.

Don’t Come to MY Home and Expect Me to Live YOUR Morals

I live in Utah, land of the self-declared morally righteous. And this is my rant to those who want to come into my house, expecting me to live life by their standards.

Well, Fuck You. I’ll Use a Period In My Texts If I So Desire.

Apparently there's a big movement trying to prove that people who use periods in their text messages are assholes. Well, this blogger ain't buying.

It Would Appear I Am an Underwear Snob

Beautiful woman. Check. Invitation up to her apartment. Check. Me making it awkward because of a weird underwear situation... Check.

I’m So NOT Miserable

I got drunk. And depressed. I wrote a blog post while in the thick of it. Well, I think I better write this as a follow-up before the world thinks I'm stuck in some eternal depressive hell.

Winter is fucking coming.

Winter is fucking coming. I can feel it. Sure, the temperature dropped today, and sure, that should be my first big clue. But... Oh. Shit. Spoiler alert. I'm drunk. And I have ADD.

Seems I’ve Got a Stage-Four Clinger In My Life

I've got a stage-four clinger in my life, and I'm not so sure how I should handle it, since I can't just breakup or move on like I usually would.

A Break from the Kumbaya of It All

Dan Pearce - in bed with a bag of jerkey
Life is good. Things are positive. Everything is going in the best direction. Things couldn't be better. But FUCK, that shit gets exhausting. Allow me to get balanced here...

Let Me Just Stop You Right There…

Why do people do that?
This post started with me letting you in on a little secret. It ended with a long-overdue rant about the ways women in the dating world go out of their way to make me feel *so* special.

The Real Reason I’m Still Single

Real reason I'm single
I just published a blog post about loving Valentines Day. Yes, I'm still single. And this is the real reason why, along with a couple responses to the icky trolls.

A Shrinker Overthinker

Dan Pearce urology camera
It's done. I survived. And now I will write to make myself feel better about the monstrosity that threatened my manhood, inside and out.

I Think I’m Gonna Need a Stent Double…

stent-removal-funny-dan-pearce-blog
A special hell is coming my way, and there's not a thing I can do to avoid it. I don't apologize in advance for making you picture any of this. If I have to... You have to.

Taking the <Ahem> High Road

the-high-road-kidney-stone-pain-1
There's the more factual details I shared over on my other blog about my recent battle with kidney stones... Then there was all this shit from while I was high on pain meds...

The Great and Ruthless Unfriending Spree

Dan Pearce computer mouse
Now, I don't wanna sound like a douche here, but it's probably inevitable. I do wanna be real about some things, though...

A Goddamn Firehose Betwixt His Hanxious Legs

firehose-prostate-getting-old-sit-down-pee-man
There was a lot of mystery surrounding the guy living in the apartment above me. But now I can say, with near certainty, that the dude has a firehose hanging between his legs.

Well, My Nemesis Died

Dan Pearce poker
I had a real-life nemesis, and he died. Just like that, he doesn't exist anymore. I'm not quite sure how to feel about that. I only know what I know about him.

That Was a Million Followers Ago…

A million extra followers will change some things...
I think there are a lot of people who love the idea of online fame. The thought of constantly showing up in people's feeds must be a good one because I have some Facebook friends who still post no fewer than three posts every single day. I have it. I don't actually like it...

All the “Fuck” Words and Desultory Details

all the fuck words and random bits
I say "fuck." I say it a lot. I'm an avid poker player, and I'm surrounded by real life dastardly degenerates more often than I care to admit. Of course I'm going to...

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Hell Hath No Fury Like the Big Brother of a Woman Wronged

So... There's this total dill hole who did something totally dill-holey. And I think we should all teach him that there are actually consequences to being a d-bag.

Well, Universe… That Was Certainly Fucked-Up

Girls don't flirt with me in real life. Not like this one was. It was super cute and actually going somewhere, but before it actually could... The universe stepped in and made sure it could never be.

And *That* Was the Horrible Moment When I Just Knew…

I hired a 19-year-old young woman to come model nude so that I could body paint her. Just to be safe I asked for her ID, and quickly found myself in a mad world of denial.

Don’t Come to MY Home and Expect Me to Live YOUR Morals

I live in Utah, land of the self-declared morally righteous. And this is my rant to those who want to come into my house, expecting me to live life by their standards.

Well, Fuck You. I’ll Use a Period In My Texts If I So Desire.

Apparently there's a big movement trying to prove that people who use periods in their text messages are assholes. Well, this blogger ain't buying.

It Would Appear I Am an Underwear Snob

Beautiful woman. Check. Invitation up to her apartment. Check. Me making it awkward because of a weird underwear situation... Check.