Winter is fucking coming.

I can feel it.

Sure, the temperature dropped today, and sure, that should be my first big clue. But…

Oh. Shit. Spoiler alert. I’m drunk. And I have ADD.

I got drunk by myself tonight. Poured myself a heavily-loaded screwdriver, sat on my balcony in the dark, and sang sad songs to myself in the midst of a new but familiar depression that hit me tonight the way I haven’t felt it hit since the sun last abandoned this side of the hemisphere.

Winter is coming.

Some people know the weather is changing because their joints hurt. I know because I’m suddenly sad.

I was supposed to hang with some new friends tonight. They ditched me and I was home alone all night instead. It happens.

It doesn’t happen often. Usually I shake that shit off.

Tonight I let it let me feel worthless. And sad. And I went out and sat in the cold and let my bones get cold, watching all my neighbors drive in and out, having their Friday night fun, enjoying their fucking relationships, while I sat and enjoyed feeling the familiar heaviness set in.

Yep. Winter is coming.

I know because I get sad a lot more often when it does. I get lonely in ways that aren’t possible when this half of the Earth is half-baked in sunshine. When winter comes, I get un-fun thoughts that I tend to hold onto like fists of hard-earned cash.

Maybe I’ll be writing on this blog more often now that it’s getting colder.

Maybe not. Nobody likes listening to a sad person.

A sad person with no real reason to be sad.

Hey, that’s me.

And I’m drunk.

And I don’t even care if I tell you that.

Because then, at the very least, I won’t feel like I’m drinking alone.

Because then, at the very least, I can wake up tomorrow and see your comments and know that I wasn’t alone.

Because then, at the very least, I can pretend that, somehow, in some weird way, I’m anything but alone.

Oh, shit. I’m Single Dad Laughing. I’ve gotta say something funny.

A leper fucked a prostitute. When it was over, he said, “here. I’m gonna leave a generous tip for you.”

Dan Pearce, The Dan Pearce Blog